转：JM油画《燃烧》

《燃烧》（木板油画，38×29 cm）

17年12月我壁画出事，派出所里国保搜身，从我相机包中取出相机，包底露出一小叠对折的纸片。我顿时心里一紧，意识到这是几天前偶得的声援刘晓波的传单——正因得之偶然，随手一折放进相机包里，便忘了它们的存在。我责怪自己如此大意，迅速在脑中编造传单来路——我决不会供出给我传单的朋友。国保取出那叠纸片扫了一眼，竟没摊开就放了回去——原来他急切地想看我相机里的照片，而我竟因此躲过一劫。如果传单被发现，性质就不一样了，就不只是几天行拘那么简单了。六天后，我从拘留所出来，挎着相机包，包里还装着那叠传单。保险起见，我买了个打火机，回到旅馆在卫生间里点燃了传单。传单乍看像圣诞贺卡，画面是波普风格的圣诞老人像，细看才发现那是刘晓波戴着圣诞帽，上印中英文“生日快樂”——刘的生日在圣诞假期。而当年一审宣判那天，正是圣诞节。火焰吞没了“圣诞老人”，我意识到四天后又是圣诞，再过三天就是他生日，但他再也过不了了。这些年我一直后悔烧掉了那叠传单（甚至没有拍照）。现用画笔再现深印在记忆中的那一幕，聊补遗憾。

Liu Xiaobo—Burning (oil on wooden panel, 38×29 cm)

After my arrest in December 2017 (for painting an empty blue chair—a homage to the Nobel Peace Prize laureate—in a mural at a biennale in Shenzhen, China), the police searched me and my belongings. A man from the National Security took out my camera from the camera bag, and I saw a small pile of folded flyers underneath. I suddenly realized they were flyers in support of Liu Xiaobo that I had accidentally gotten from a friend some days before. They had nothing to do with the blue chair I painted and I had casually put them in my camera bag and forgotten about them. While trying to quickly invent a story of how I got the flyers, I quietly watched the man taking them out of the bag. He took a quick glance, and with a slight hesitation, he put them back without unfolding them—he was too intrigued to check the digital photos in my camera, thus he neglected the material “evidence” that he was so keen to look for. Six days later, I walked out of the detention centre with my camera bag, the flyers were still in it. If they had been discovered, it would have been a much more serious matter, and I wouldn’t have gotten away with a few days’ detention. I bought a lighter, went back to my hotel room and burned the flyers in the bathroom. At first glance the flyers appeared to be Christmas cards, with the image of a Santa Claus head in pop art style, while it was actually Liu Xiaobo wearing a Santa Claus cap, with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” printed in both Chinese and English on the image—Liu’s birthday was during the Christmas holidays, and the adjudgement of his 11-year-sentence was announced on the Christmas Day of 2009 (dissidents are often tried during the Christmas holidays when the West is celebrating and thus not paying full attention to China). The flame gradually swallowed the Santa, and I realized that Christmas would be in four days, and three days after that would be Liu’s birthday, only he would never be able to celebrate.All these years I’ve regretted burning the flyers (I didn’t even take a photo). Now I can finally get over my regret by making a painting of the scene that has been engraved in my memory so deeply.

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