what's happening at the other side of the mountain ?

我曾经是荒原，但是现在我想变成桑田。

抑郁症的康复是一个很神奇的过程，因为这其中充满了很多小到不可思议的成就。春江水暖，是可以每周给自己买一束花。后来慢慢进阶到愿意刷牙，愿意每天刷牙。从开始拥有足够一个星期的更换量的内裤和袜子开始，我意识到每天照顾要自己的皮肤，头发。现在，我开始学习每天都做自己喜欢吃的早餐。Still a work in progress, 我还在学习保持自己房间的整洁，还在学习健身。

My depressed era is something that I cannot unseen. These wrinkled days will stay within my body. I lived life inch by inch. Sometimes even one tenth of inch. Now that I have learnt to put my rose colored lenses, life is no longer a murky cloud of misery. Life has a nice texture now -livable and breathable again.

Now life begs new questions. What's on for dinner? Where are you going for Christmas? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What about your careers, how do you manage your finances? What about dating, and dare I say marriage?

Before I can muster my answers, I still needed to convince that I am not an imposter in this life. I am here, my heart is beating. I have acquittances, friends, and a web of meaning now. I intend to keep it that way.

What is happening at the other side of the mountain? Exercising the privilege of "I want" sentences is still a novelty to me, when I didn't have much choice in the past. The agency of charting my own story makes my heart race, like a hefty dose of caffeine. Freedom means tolerating the jazzing taste of uncertainty and insecurity. It's an acquired taste. Honey, and for now, tolerate it before it becomes second nature.

Is manifest destiny still a thing? You can count me with the dreamers when I say...

1. 我想在两年内毕业。Major in psychology and minor statistics. I want to learn more about human mind, considering that I want to make a living as a therapist for the first part of my adulthood. I am want to acquire statistics skills in case one day life needs me to crunch numbers.

2. 我想保持我健康的身体。That means going to the gym two or three times weekly. That means taking care of my body and soul. That means eating healthy. Keeping my room clean. Wear my braces well, brush and floss. Treating my body like a temple guarding it like a diligent steward.

3. 我想好好享受我的大学生活。Namely three things. I want to join clubs. I want to do research. I want to also do at least an internship. Meeting new people, network, socialize, and romanticize. Getting my heart bruised and healed. I don't want to miss out on college! If time is a blank canvas, I might as well use my best colors.

4. 我想在五年内，在美国有一个稳定的工作，working towards my LCSW license. That means finishing my masters first. That means having the courage to navigate through the notoriously difficult visa process. That means accepting the shits that will be coming my way.

5. 我想在四到五年之内，达到经济半独立。 I have no shame using my support resources from my family. But it would be nice if I can afford a round trip somewhere when I feels like doing so.

6. 我想在八年之内，缔结两段稳定的亲密关系。不一定要到进入教堂, 一定不会生孩子，但一定会有那么几个人类（男的）, 我们可以相互托付信任与爱。

7. 我想在事业稳定之后，开一家自己的private practice, 不止步于只是自己个人的工作室，或许会和其他的心理咨询师share 办公室，然后可以supervise 别人。

8. 我想要猫咪和家人身体健康稳定。人需要稳定健康的支持网络，像所有世间其他的事情一样，都需要诚实的劳作，投入时间和精力经营一段高质量的关系。

Good morning, monster. Go make your future-self proud, kiddo. You are own your own now. But always remember, you've got this under your belt.