Hey frds

Hey Jenni, can I ask you a favor? I'm quite confused about socializing and your insights would be very helpful to me.

After I came back from the States and met friends in Stockholm again, I noticed a concern has been announcing itself to me, which I tried to ignore before: most of my friends orbit around their exclusive clustering (most likely, ethnic group) and/or their partners. I feel their time and efforts pouring into their clusterings and my devotion to them is not paid back in the same way.

For example, an HKer Po was one of my best friends, and he introduced me to his new HKer group today. They treat me like an outsider and are skeptical of me because of my Chinese passport although they have only known each other for 1 sem and I do speak 85% Cantonese. And another Spanish friend Alma, I was helping her move and some of her Spanish friends (who regularly hang out together) came, they then spoke Spanish leaving me standing there in awkward.

Tbh I'm not a social person, and I hate crowds because they are ignorant and noisy (I know it's a very bad way to put it but imagine a large Hispanic/white family taking 5 selfies in the museum with silly giggles). I could tolerate stupid crowds in a stranger environment, but it makes me feel bad that the individuals I used to find fascinating choose to "melt" themselves in these crowds and talk shits in their mother tongue. And I feel frustrated when I do all to support my friends and just find out I'm the alternative to their group/spouse, and it sounds like "if you wanna genuine support, you should join one of these ethnicity clusters".

I know I'm overthinking but it has hauled me for a long time. I don't think I will degrade myself to resort to a Chinese cluster or a spouse to talk shit with, but I kinda don't know how to cope with this situation. Sorry for the long text, thank you so much!